I’ve never been one, nor will ever be one, but like
all of us, I have one. In addition, for
34 years I’ve been married to the mother of our children. So while my thoughts
about “mother” are those of an observer, I think they are still valid.
I feel bad for mothers; their work is never
done. They do so much that goes
unnoticed and, because of not noticing, it
is often not appreciated. In addition, they are notorious for adopting
all the cultural pressure to produce wonderful (if not perfect) children. In today’s world, the economics of most
families adds the pressure of being an employee. I could go on and on about the
challenges and difficulties of motherhood, but I’m not going to. Neither am I going to create a list of all a
mother “should” do.
What I want to share are some things my mother didn’t do. (Your mother’s “didn’t do”
list may be very different, but this is a list about my mother.)
Mom didn’t
make excuses for why we couldn’t do something. In fact, looking back I now
realize there we tons of things we weren’t able to do. Whether the reason was economics, time constraints,
where we lived, know-how, or a million other potential excuses, I don’t remember
mother ever making excuses about what we couldn’t do. Instead, she was cleverly finding all the
things we could do.
I watched this when she became a grandmother. When they were with her, our children and
their cousin had a sense of limitlessness. While there might have been plenty
of things she wouldn’t let them do, they never felt denied. That’s my memory too. Whether it was a craft,
a game of hide-and-seek, a walk, making something from nothing, or learning
something new, her ability to divert and do rather than deny and don’t was –
and is – her hallmark. No excuses!
Mom didn’t
rush. Oh sure, there were times when
we had to hurry, but she had a pace and rhythm of going about her life that
never seemed frantic. There may have
been times when we, her children, might have wished her to rush a bit, but the
model of living life at her pace, engaging life, smelling roses, watching a
bird, and being with children were all made sweeter by the reality that, no
matter how hurried, watching her live was almost a picture in timelessness. No
rushing!
Mom didn’t
hold back with worrisome caution to self-protect. Mom was always willing to engage – sometimes
to her own detriment. I remember while growing
up that, in volunteer church work, she should have been awarded the highest
honors. It seemed like she was serving
everywhere. In addition, she wanted to
engage with everyone, which meant we were often the last to leave
services. I remember one day after
church. She had been greeting and
catching up with everyone, and my dad was tired of waiting. He walked over to mom, whisked her off her
feet, and carried her out the church door!
This past fall on our trip to New York (her first
visit), we failed to explain that conversation with strangers on the subway
wasn’t protocol. Her granddaughter and I
enjoyed watching her strike up conversations with everyone from teens, business
people, a Hassidic Jewish woman and her children, etc., etc. No caution to
self-protect!
Mom didn’t
vacillate in her love. There have
been plenty of times when I know she’s been disappointed about behavior,
choices, and processes that frustrate, but her love was steady. There was no fear that making a poor choice
or even acting badly toward her would jeopardize her love. Watching her undying
love for her dogs, cats, and any other creature she might befriend, seeing her
care for some of the “down and outers,” and seeing her devotion and love for
dad and her unfailing love for people made both her children and her
grandchildren confident that nothing they could ever do would cause any
vacillation in her love. No conditional
love!
While we may think of God as “Our Father,” it
seems to me that his most self-identifying quality may be most noticed in and
learned from our mothers. (However, dads
can do this, too.) When God wants to identify himself, or if he had only one
thing he could tell us about himself, I believe it is that he has unfailing
love and faithfulness for each of us.
And while that is the one trait that most defines him, I think all four
of the things I realize my mother didn’t do are awfully God-like.
No excuses,
but instead enabling.
No rush,
but instead a calm rhythm of life.
No caution
to self-protect, but free engagement in life
No vacillating love,
but unfailing love and faithfulness.
Thanks Mom
for all you didn’t do!
Andy McDonald
