I am a control freak. This is not a surprising revelation to those who know me. I develop plans, and I make lists. I have a vision of how things “should” go, and I put great effort into accomplishing my goals. When disappointments and distractions occur, they are handled, and strategies are adjusted.
The holiday season is probably the time of year when my “condition” is the most apparent. The fact is, I love the holidays. I’m one of those crazy people that begin playing Christmas music in October, decorate before Thanksgiving, and if all goes as planned, have their shopping done and wrapped weeks before the actual event. And this year, my holidays got even better. It’s my turn to host Thanksgiving. That means my family from Chicago is flying down to Florida to enjoy a sunny southern Turkey Day! I couldn’t be more excited. I have made shopping lists. I have baked and cooked family recipes that are waiting in frozen anticipation. I send regular group e-mail updates between children, siblings, in-laws, and cousins. I am in my zone!
On the plus side – I’m very productive and reliable. On the other side – I can drive myself (and others) crazy . . . and be very annoying in the process. And then there’s the whole “letting go and letting God” thing. I don’t do that well.
Lately God’s had a lot of fun with me in this area. There are things I have been, and continue to, deal with that are causing me to consider the fact that I can’t control everything. My instinct is to stress out, regroup, and bring things back to the line I have drawn. But there is a part of me – a growing part – that sees the beauty of, and longs for the relief of, not having to be in control of every situation. I realize this means things won’t always turn out the way I have planned. I actually think I'm okay with that. Maybe it’s my advancing age and the realization that I don’t have the same level of energy I used to. I would like to believe it is also due to a maturing faith and a comfort in the trustworthiness of my God.
I believe there is a need and a place for those of us who find comfort in lists and plans. I’m just learning that place is in the arms of God.
Tami Cinquemani
The reality of the need to be in control is shown best when you see it's impact on others. Trust me, I speak from experience. Tami, I agree with you 100%. I too have the same need to be in control (as you can attest to). The impact of this need hit home too hard as I watched my youngest daughter struggle with the concepts that I thought were the norm and unwittingly passed on. Now I'm the one trying to explain to her that it's really okay to go with the flow and not need to have everything go as originally planned. It's not a requirement that all events in your life work out as you have them planned and you don't need to put forth extra effort in order to make them fit your plans. Even though I want to get to the other side of the wall, try as hard as I can, going through it is not the correct path even though that may have been my original idea. The way around gets me to the same place without the headaches and in a better mood. Sometimes the most perfect days are those that go contrary to the plans that we set and the surprises that follow are memories that we carry throughout our lives. We all need to set destinations or we just wander aimlessly, but the path that gets us there may not be as quick as planned, in the same direction as planned, or even with the same people with whom we thought we would be travelling. In everything, enjoy the trip and the turns that the trip takes, because once you reach the destination, it's over and you may have missed out in something really cool. Love ya kid....Scott
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