Behind the Facade

Last week I had the opportunity to visit with a friend who is in the hospital recovering from a serious accident. As I was visiting with his in-laws, they were talking about the conversations that had taken place while he was under the influence of anesthesia, or pain medication, or whatever.  They mentioned that you really get to see the character of a person in these situations.  The effects of the medication removes our filters, and "the real you" comes out.  In this case, it was simply more proof of what an amazing man my friend is.

This story had me thinking about how open and honest we are with each other.  In this age of photoshopped pictures and manicured social media profiles, how exposed do we allow ourselves to be?  It has been said that character is who you are when no one is looking.  Would people truly recognize the real you from your "public persona"?  

Several years ago I had to confront my own dichotomy between who I was and who I presenting myself to be.  I took a chance and opened myself up.  I found friends who embraced me and loved me in all of my vulnerable sincerity.  I found a new freedom to live my life with honesty and genuineness.  I trusted the love I received because I knew it wasn't based on false pretenses.  

Regardless of how we present ourselves to others, God knows us. He sees the things we hide, and he is not fooled by our facades.  And yet he loves us - more than we can ever understand.  When I recognized this fact and truly embraced openness and honesty with both God and those around me, I experienced love and freedom like never before. 

Chad Hess

Parent or Paycheck

I heard a really great interview on NPR about fathers who are breaking down stereotypes of men who are not involved in their children's life.  There is the old stereotype that fathers are not very involved, particularly when they are not married.  Instead, more and more men want to be "parents and not just paychecks."  It should not be unusual to see a dad getting the kids ready or watching the kids while mom goes out with friends.

For me, this comes down to the ever-familiar work/life balancing act.  Most Christians would agree that our top three priorities (in order) are God, family, and then work.  But making that a reality can be much more challenging.  Working to earn money to feed your family typically requires time away from them.  Being involved in ministry can take time away from your family.  When your job is working in a church, those lines can get blurred even more.  Balance and boundaries are essential, and they will look different for each person.

I may be exhausted when I get home from work, but a cheerful greeting and hug from my boys gives me a boost.  I know I only have a couple of hours until they go to bed, so I try to have meaningful time with them while I can.  It may be a rare occasion when I sit with my family in church; but once we leave church, my focus is on them.

I don't write this to "toot my own horn."  I am not perfect, nor do I believe that wanting to be involved in my kids' life makes me an extraordinary father.  That is the job of a father.  God entrusted them to me and asks me to care for them.  Loving them has taught me more about my Heavenly Father and the love he has for me.  With His help, I pray that I can love and parent my children into a lifelong friendship with their Heavenly Father.

Chad Hess

The Non-Negotiable

A religion that changes our mind but leaves our hearts unaffected is worthless. Likewise, a faith, religion, or relationship with God that changes our hearts but leaves our minds flawed is to be expected.  

To have clarity of mind and a good understanding of sound doctrine is a great thing, but a heart changed by God is essential.  For that reason, we must allow liberty of thought while demanding a heart of love.

There is very little doctrine that is critical.  Love is non-negotiable.  

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2 If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 4 Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head,5 Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, 6 Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 7 Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. 8 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. 9 We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. 10 But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. 11 When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. 12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 1:1-13, The Message

John Monday

The Wisdom of Maya Angelou

This week I listened to a rebroadcast of NPR’s Diane Rhem Show that revisited an interview with Maya Angelou, who died this week.  As I contemplated what this woman overcame in contrast to the minutiae that I sometimes allow to discourage me, I whispered a prayer asking God to give me just an ounce of the grace to see good, passion to persist, and ability to forgive that this wonderful woman exemplified.

I thought it would be a fitting tribute as well as an inspiration to use this week’s FHC blog to feature just a sampling of the wisdom of Ms. Angelou.

Tami 

"I believe that each of us comes from the creator trailing wisps of glory."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back."

"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive."

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." 

  

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

"I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life."

"It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody."

"We can learn to see each other and see ourselves in each other and recognize that human beings are more alike than we are unalike."

"If you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be."

"The desire to reach the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise and most possible."

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time. And always one more time."

"Nothing will work unless you do."

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love."

"The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free."

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

 “Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances."

"While one may encounter many defeats, one must not be defeated."

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."

Why Can't We Be Friends? by Andy McDonald

It’s a great question that demands consideration in our shrinking world today:

Why can't we be friends?
. . . Christians & Muslims
. . . Ukrainians & Russians
. . . White Supremacists & NAACP Members
. . . Republicans & Democrats
. . . Little Guy & Big Business
. . . Atheists, Agnostics & Believers

The list goes on and on ad infinitum. Maybe the idea of some more civil time in human history is only an illusion, but even if it is, shouldn't we work toward a more friendly world?  I'm not sure how to make it happen, but I do know that open debate and opposing dialogue bring interest to the table of life, and when engaged civilly, enrich all parties.

Unfortunately, it seems we've all determined to speak "our truth" into the conversation as if an infallible "word from God" rather than "our understanding" of truth. It is like we regularly act as if our understanding of truth trumps all other understanding.

When teaching couples to resolve conflict, I talk about moving from the point of conflict, through the "tunnel of chaos," to a point of resolution. Occasionally, even for the most compatible couple, the only resolution is to agree to disagree on that point of contention. When we speak the truth in love, resolution is possible. If we only speak harsh, blatant, cold truth, resolution is unlikely. Conversely, to only speak lovingly but never get to the  truth leaves the conflict hanging unresolved.

I'm irritated by unresolved conflicts—by any reaction to politics, religion, business, or just life that blocks friendship or denies the possibility of being friends.

Jesus said the world would be able to recognize his followers by the love they have for others. I'm thinking that today fear, suspicion, and prophecy may combine to make too many of us into little anti-Christs who fail at the very foundation of our faith—loving God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbor (everybody on the planet) as ourselves. These neighbors we are to so love would include Popes and Imams and Rabbis and Pastors and, of course, all those who aren't sure what they believe, or who may even be anti-God.

If Jesus—perfect, holy, eternal Jesus—can no longer call us servants but friends, if he is known as Friend of sinners, it seems there's no reason that his followers can't be friends with the whole human family—those who agree with us, and everyone who sees it differently.

Andy McDonald

What I Would Have Said by Tami Cinquemani

I’m writing this blog on United #1028 from Chicago to Orlando.  The red eye left at 10 pm and will arrive in Orlando around 2 am.  That’s a lot of time to think, and right now I’m having one of those “shoulda-woulda-coulda” moments.

The purpose of my visit to Chicago was to spend time with my family and attend a celebration of my father’s life, who died a couple of weeks ago.  This wasn’t your typical bereavement occasion.  There was no time of viewing in a funeral home or service conducted in a church.  We had what is called an “Irish wake” . . . basically a party where everyone eats, drinks, and shares memories of the lost relative.  This is what my family does.

As our guests were arriving, my brother told me that he and my mother planned to say a few words before the meal began.  He asked if I would like to do the same.  Though I appreciated the invitation, I panicked.  You see, I’m a writer—not a speaker.  Don’t get me wrong, I can get up in front of people and talk . . . but never without a great deal of preparation.  Needless to say, in hindsight, my words—though nice—were not sufficient.  As soon as I sat down, I began to think of what I should have said.

One of the reasons my family mourns in this unique way is because of the diversity of belief and unbelief we represent.  Atheist, Agnostic, lifelong believer, cynical ex-believer, curious seeker, or combinations of any of the above.  Faith is not a common topic of conversation, and for the most part we respectfully accept everyone’s personal conviction or lack thereof.

However, I believe my dad’s death, and the reality of what that means opened a door to a conversation I would have liked to begin.  Death can be very frightening if you’re not sure what follows.  Just a few short weeks before my dad died, my uncle passed away.  The death of two very wonderful and very loved men in such a short period of time begs the question, “Is that all there is?” 

As someone who believes there is so much more after this life, I wish I had carefully shared the hope I have in seeing my father and my uncle again.  I don’t want to beat myself up over this, but I now realize that, though my relatives may not share my faith, they may be willing to share my hope.  

Tami Cinquemani