Why Can't We Be Friends? by Andy McDonald

It’s a great question that demands consideration in our shrinking world today:

Why can't we be friends?
. . . Christians & Muslims
. . . Ukrainians & Russians
. . . White Supremacists & NAACP Members
. . . Republicans & Democrats
. . . Little Guy & Big Business
. . . Atheists, Agnostics & Believers

The list goes on and on ad infinitum. Maybe the idea of some more civil time in human history is only an illusion, but even if it is, shouldn't we work toward a more friendly world?  I'm not sure how to make it happen, but I do know that open debate and opposing dialogue bring interest to the table of life, and when engaged civilly, enrich all parties.

Unfortunately, it seems we've all determined to speak "our truth" into the conversation as if an infallible "word from God" rather than "our understanding" of truth. It is like we regularly act as if our understanding of truth trumps all other understanding.

When teaching couples to resolve conflict, I talk about moving from the point of conflict, through the "tunnel of chaos," to a point of resolution. Occasionally, even for the most compatible couple, the only resolution is to agree to disagree on that point of contention. When we speak the truth in love, resolution is possible. If we only speak harsh, blatant, cold truth, resolution is unlikely. Conversely, to only speak lovingly but never get to the  truth leaves the conflict hanging unresolved.

I'm irritated by unresolved conflicts—by any reaction to politics, religion, business, or just life that blocks friendship or denies the possibility of being friends.

Jesus said the world would be able to recognize his followers by the love they have for others. I'm thinking that today fear, suspicion, and prophecy may combine to make too many of us into little anti-Christs who fail at the very foundation of our faith—loving God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbor (everybody on the planet) as ourselves. These neighbors we are to so love would include Popes and Imams and Rabbis and Pastors and, of course, all those who aren't sure what they believe, or who may even be anti-God.

If Jesus—perfect, holy, eternal Jesus—can no longer call us servants but friends, if he is known as Friend of sinners, it seems there's no reason that his followers can't be friends with the whole human family—those who agree with us, and everyone who sees it differently.

Andy McDonald

What I Would Have Said by Tami Cinquemani

I’m writing this blog on United #1028 from Chicago to Orlando.  The red eye left at 10 pm and will arrive in Orlando around 2 am.  That’s a lot of time to think, and right now I’m having one of those “shoulda-woulda-coulda” moments.

The purpose of my visit to Chicago was to spend time with my family and attend a celebration of my father’s life, who died a couple of weeks ago.  This wasn’t your typical bereavement occasion.  There was no time of viewing in a funeral home or service conducted in a church.  We had what is called an “Irish wake” . . . basically a party where everyone eats, drinks, and shares memories of the lost relative.  This is what my family does.

As our guests were arriving, my brother told me that he and my mother planned to say a few words before the meal began.  He asked if I would like to do the same.  Though I appreciated the invitation, I panicked.  You see, I’m a writer—not a speaker.  Don’t get me wrong, I can get up in front of people and talk . . . but never without a great deal of preparation.  Needless to say, in hindsight, my words—though nice—were not sufficient.  As soon as I sat down, I began to think of what I should have said.

One of the reasons my family mourns in this unique way is because of the diversity of belief and unbelief we represent.  Atheist, Agnostic, lifelong believer, cynical ex-believer, curious seeker, or combinations of any of the above.  Faith is not a common topic of conversation, and for the most part we respectfully accept everyone’s personal conviction or lack thereof.

However, I believe my dad’s death, and the reality of what that means opened a door to a conversation I would have liked to begin.  Death can be very frightening if you’re not sure what follows.  Just a few short weeks before my dad died, my uncle passed away.  The death of two very wonderful and very loved men in such a short period of time begs the question, “Is that all there is?” 

As someone who believes there is so much more after this life, I wish I had carefully shared the hope I have in seeing my father and my uncle again.  I don’t want to beat myself up over this, but I now realize that, though my relatives may not share my faith, they may be willing to share my hope.  

Tami Cinquemani

Choosing a Community to Lean On by Tami Cinquemani

We recently posted a clip of our worship leaders singing the famous Bill Withers song, "Lean on Me."  The song was sung at the end of our church service as the response to a sermon focused on community in Christ.  It began with a single vocalist who was joined, one-by-one, by four other singers arriving on the platform from the congregation.  The message of our need to follow Christ's directive to live in community was powerful, and many who were present—as well as many who later saw it on video—were moved and inspired.  Both the song and the singers were intentionally chosen as a representation of the gender, cultural, generational and spiritual diversity of our church community.

However, not everyone who saw the clip felt the same positive "community of Christ" moment described above.  Some questioned the value of using this popular 70's tune as a means to communicate a Godly message.  While we understand that there are some who place great value on separating the "secular" from the "sacred," we at FHC have leaned much more toward the model of Paul when he said in 1 Corinthians, "I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some."  

I found one comment particularly interesting (intentionally unedited):

“If this was a non-denominational church(which in all honestly it really is) I wouldn't have as much of a problem with, it would even be expected. But we should be a peculiar people and are held to a different standard. How is this church different from any other non-denom. church. how is this atmosphere going to help people grow spiritually in a world that is were they comforted right into complacency and indifference to spiritual standard that are put in place by the BIBLE! When you don't show respect for something you more then likely are not willing to make a stand for it. That is a hollow and fragile faith that when tested, I have seen in my own life during that period of time(FHC) in my faith broke down and it wasn't till I re-recommitted my life to the LORD and took it serious(respected it) that true change came and I had confidence and faith in the religion that I believe in.”

We always appreciate response to our posts and respect and learn from those with opinions not our own.  Without a doubt, this comment represents a group of people who are more traditional in their view of worship and the purpose of church.  I though it was interesting that the words could resonate with that group but also come across to me as an affirmation of what FHC has been intentionally trying to build for years.

Our goal at FHC has never been to be identified by our denomination.  Our goal is to be identified by Christ alone.  This may be out of the comfort zone for some who believe their uniqueness as a denomination is their special calling from God.  In that case, they probably would not find a church home at FHC. Those seeking “confidence and faith in the religion that [they] believe in,” will understandably choose to worship elsewhere.

FHC feels strongly that the “peculiarity” Christians of all denominations should be known for is the way we love – love each other and the world around us.  This means we will never meet the expectations of those looking for a church that strives to be known by the peculiarity of their twist on religious beliefs.

I’m thankful for the variety of churches that offer each individual a place to explore their faith.  My prayer is that, regardless of which church a person decides to attend, their experience gives them an understanding of Jesus’ love and grace that will make a difference in the world around them.

Tami Cinquemani

Be For Something by John Monday

For a child raised on Florida’s Space Coast during the Cold War era, superpower global tension colored everything. There was probably nothing on earth that better typified the Cold War than the space race, and everyone in East Central Florida was intimately involved. 

For us, the lines were very clear—you were either on one side or the other.  Being in the heart of a nation with a powerful enemy made every position easy, and the whole world seemed to understand.  If you were for America, you were against the Soviet Union.  Foreign relations were simple; every nation either lined up with the US or with the USSR.  There was no middle ground.  You couldn’t be for the USSR without being against America.  It was a cold war but a war nonetheless, and in war you either choose sides or risk being the enemy of both.

When the Berlin Wall came down, after a brief feeling of satisfaction at being on the winning team, I remember thinking, now what?  You see, the Cold War not only gave us something to be for, but it gave us something to be against.  For capitalism! Against communism;  For freedom! Against communism; For God! against communism.  You're probably detecting a pattern.  It seems that there is nothing quite so unifying as a good enemy. 

When our great enemy fell, it seemed to stagger us nearly as much as it did them.  Without a clear enemy to be against, it was suddenly much more difficult to understand what we were for.  Like a house of cards where every card is held up by another card leaning in the opposite direction, our enemy’s demise placed us in danger of losing our balance as well. 

That Cold War-thinking seems to work pretty well in other areas also: As Christians, we are too often defined by the things we’re against as much as by the things we’re for.  “God hates fags!”  ”God sent Katrina to New Orleans as punishment.” “ If you're going to take prayer out of schools, you can expect more Newtowns.”  And how quickly we put it into “us and them” language: For marriage, against homosexuality; For families, against abortion; For prayer, against secularism.  This kind of overly skewed thinking, no doubt puts us in a comfortable place, a place with a good enemy, a place where we assume we know what side we’re on.

While speaking to my pastor and friend Andy a few weeks ago, I asked him for some advice.  The question: How to be a better spiritual leader?  His grand advice? “Be for something!”  Really? Be for something? That's it?  The point, he explained, is to focus on the thing you’re for and just don’t engage in the against part.  When I began to understand, it felt a little like the Berlin Wall. How can we maintain our balance without being propped up by the things we’re against? Won’t we fall over? Won’t we lose our way? Won’t we be capitulating to the perceived enemy? Won’t we lose our identity?

As I read the stories of Jesus and the New Testament, this notion of focusing on what we’re for seems to have a lot of merit.  I also realized that most of the “being against” that we witness in our culture is, or at least looks like, being against people.  As it turns out, we’re not that good at “loving the sinner and hating the sin.”  While Jesus certainly understood right from wrong and was no pushover, he was always for people.  Jesus loved people completely, unconditionally and eternally, and he instructed all of us to do the same.

Luke 9:49

"Master," said John, "we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us."  "Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you.”

                                                                                                                       

John 13:34                                        

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.                                                                                                         

                                   

1 John 4:7                                                      

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.                                                                                                           

1 John 4:19

We love because he first loved us.                                                                            

                       

John 3:16                                           

“For God so loved the world...”

So what if we try being wholeheartedly for the things that are dearest to us without spending any energy being against?  It might feel a little unsteady, a little clumsy, like standing on one leg, but it might show the love and kindness and forbearance that we receive from Jesus to a world that desperately needs it.

John Monday