Practice Makes Perfect by Greg Creek

My wife and I recently had the “pleasure” of painting the interior of our house. While we were definitely excited about putting our mark on our house (we painted every surface on the interior of our house: all the trim, all the doors, all the walls), it was exhausting.

I really hate painting. I know that I’m horrible at it, which is also part of the reason why I hate it. I will work really hard to paint something and make sure it looks good. And then when I step back, it looks HORRIBLE!

Thankfully, my brother is a professional painter and came down to help us. Eager to learn some tricks from a pro, I asked lots of questions about the most basic of things and wanted him to show me how to do it. I was amazed at how much I learned! Just by asking some simple questions, I learned how to become a much better painter.

Despite how much I learned, I realized that I was still nowhere near the same skill level as my brother. I would take forever to cut in a door or a window. My brother would grab the brush and do it in a fraction of the time. We were using the same brush and the same tools, but there were vastly different results.

I was reminded of that old adage, practice makes perfect. As much as I wanted to be awesome at painting, having the right tools and tricks didn’t make me as good as my brother. It was the fact that he had done it time and again. Then came a line of questioning that got me thinking about broader elements of life.

How good do I want to be at painting? Do I want to be as good as my brother? What would I have to give up to be as good as my brother? What do I spend my time doing? Are those the things I want to be good at? For me, that line of questioning was an opportunity for some self-reflection, and I challenge you to think about it as well.

I think anyone who has kids wants to be a good parent, but does how you spend your time reflect that desire? No one wants to be a terrible musician, but does how you spend your time reflect your desire? What about writing, sports, knowledge, intelligence, or whatever else can be inserted?

I say that more important than all of those is my commitment to Christ. But does how I spend my time reflect that?

Greg Creek

The Real Threat by Chad Hess

Marriages are in trouble in this country.  The divorce rate is around 50%.  In addition, there are a large number of couples whose marriage is broken and bears no resemblance to what they think marriage should be, but they choose not to divorce.  It is obvious that there is a problem, and there are many ideas as to why.  What is the biggest threat to marriage?  Is it the "ease" of divorce (often said by those who have never experienced divorce)?  Is it gay marriage?  Facebook?  Texting?  Online dating?  Separate bank accounts?  The proliferation of women working outside the home?

In the course of my schooling for marriage and family therapy, I've heard many stories of failed marriages.  In those stories, any number of these reasons may be mentioned, but they are never the real issue.  The greatest threat to our marriage is ourselves.  Whatever the symptom, whatever the outside influences, the core of the issue lies in one or both of the people in the marriage (most often it's both). 

A marriage doesn't end because one person was browsing an online dating site and "found their soul mate."  The marriage ended because this person was unhappy and insecure in their marriage.  And most likely that unhappiness and insecurity was because of conflict and problems in the marriage that were not dealt with.  We are really bad at dealing with conflict in a constructive way.  It's easier to attack or retreat.  Both of these methods eat away at the fabric of the relationship.  You can't repair the relationship without dealing with the problem, so instead we retreat.  We retreat into our work, or Facebook, or a bottle, or whatever.  And when the marriage fails, we say the other person was a workaholic or an alcoholic or had an affair.  But these external things are not the problem.  The real problem is us.  We're not willing to deal with our problems because doing so requires an uncomfortable examination of ourselves and our issues.  So we blame something else.

In Matthew 15, Jesus says something similar.  The Pharisees were complaining about the disciples not washing their hands when they ate.  Jesus said it's not what goes into a person that defiles them (i.e., things from outside), it's the things that come out from a person that defiles them.  "For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  These are what defile a person" (Matthew 15:19-20).  It's easier to blame something outside of ourselves, but that's not the real issue.  Take a hard and uncomfortable look at yourself.  Pray for God's guidance.  How are you contributing to the problem?  Then talk about it with your spouse or with a counselor.  These conversations will begin to rebuild the intimacy and move your marriage towards the blessing God intended it to be.

Chad Hess

The Prodigal Mother by John Monday

Dear Child,

We’ve never stopped thinking of you. Please come home.

I’ve been told a thousand stories since you left.  Someone said you’ve wasted the family money on drugs and prostitutes. Another told me you’ve made millions on Wall Street.  Your cousin said you were a thief.  We love you. Please come home.

A friend said that, although you left alone, you now have a baby.  We love you, and we’ll love and celebrate your baby. Please come home.

I know you’re concerned about the scars you’ve developed since you left, but I’ve got them too.  I’ve just learned how to hide them.  When you come home, I’ll show you mine, and you’ll know that we’re no different. Please come home.

You’ve been told that we won’t like your friends, but don’t you remember the song we sang when you were little? “...all are precious in his sight...”  We don’t always live that simple truth well, but we’ll figure it out. Your friends are welcome.  Please come home.

Not everyone will be kind when you return. Despite the fact that we love your brother and try to display lives of mercy, forgiveness, and grace, he’s bitter and judgmental.  He doesn’t understand that, while he’s never left our home, he’s also never shared our heart.  Your father continues to love and pursue him with grace.  I see little difference, but your father believes he’ll change. Your brother needs you, too. Please come home.

The day you left your father adjusted his seat to be able to watch the highway over morning coffee and at the evening meal. Everyday he looks down the road hoping today will be the day. He misses you so much. Please come home.

I asked him why He doesn't send someone and make you come home? He said he doesn't want another child bound by obligation. He loves you too much to take your freedom. He said he’d wait for you to choose home; his patience astounds me.  Please come home.

Yesterday at the grocery He was smiling over the biggest roast I’ve ever seen; I bet it could feed 100!  When I asked him for his thoughts, his eyes turned glassy and he said, “one day.”  I think I know what he meant.  Please come home.

Whether you come back today or stay away awhile longer, know that we will never forget you and never stop loving you. Your father will continue to watch and wait, and there is a celebration, beyond your imagination prepared... 

...Please come home.

Your Prodigal Mother,

The Church

Hand Grenades on the Playground

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

“Be punctual.”

“Clean your plate.”

“Look both ways before crossing the street.”

“Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll stay that way.”

These are just a few of the numerous life commandments my parents shared with me.  Some I have embraced . . . others I have not.  However, one that comes back to me with great regularity is “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

I find myself dwelling on this particular piece of advice every time I open my Facebook account or read comments on a blog.  I hear my parents’ words as my fingers are poised over my keyboard, ready to share a youtube link or comment on a friend’s post.  And their counsel comes to mind as I scan the ugliness that has become accepted as normal “conversation” online. 

I think most people understand the harm done to relationships when people physically stand before each other and sling verbal abuse, but we seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable to do this randomly and with great abandon through the written word. 

Individuals post and write things they would never consider presenting in a face-to-face conversation.  Do we realize that we are insulting and bashing friends, family members, and/or others we barely know?  Do I understand I am actually saying these things to my neighbor, my doctor, my racquetball partner, or the person sitting next to me in church?  I don’t know about you, but I have “blocked” people from my Facebook feed.  I care about these people enough that I do not want to “un-friend” them, but I cannot continue to read the things they post because I know it damages and may eventually destroy the relationship I desire to have with them.

But isn’t my opinion on this subject or my response to that blog something that needs to be known?  Isn’t the world richer because I have shared my great insight and wisdom on this topic?  Um . . . no, not really.  I have to be honest with myself – my interest isn’t for the betterment of my world – it’s a prideful and arrogant soap-box opportunity.  I don’t know about you, but when I am insulted by someone, my opinion is not changed – quite the opposite, actually.  Where kindness and understanding may be gently persuasive, this type of assault only serves to alienate and divide. This is not civil conversation.  This is the careless lobbing of verbal hand grenades that haphazardly injure feelings and kill relationships.

I write this with conviction that I have been a perpetrator of this crime.  I have injured and alienated with my words.  I have caused distress and even lost friendships because of my self-inflating and opinionated diatribes.  As someone who treasures the written word, I don’t believe this means we shouldn’t share our thoughts and ideas with others.  However, through the pain I have both caused and experienced because of past carelessness, I have learned that – whether the topic is religion, politics, or life in general – words of inclusion, grace, tolerance, and open-mindedness are a much better path to take.  I like to think that any comment I make now will be well received and understood to build up rather than tear down by those on both sides of whatever topic is being discussed.

I’m afraid Facebook has become the new “children’s” playground where our comments, posts, and “likes” are the new “So there!” “Nah-Nah!” and “My daddy can beat up your daddy!” 

If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  For children and adults.  On the playground and on the Internet. Wise and timeless advice.

Tami Cinquemani