Tradition by John Monday

Tonight when my daughter,Taylor, went to bed she kissed each of my ears seven times. I then kissed each of her ears seven times. The same happened last night and will happen again tomorrow. When she was six it was six kisses each night and five kisses when she was five. This is a special way that my daughter and I celebrate our relationship. I’d be willing to bet that Taylor doesn’t even remember why, but I do.

I have a relatively minor case of tinnitus (ringing of the ears), and one evening after I had been complaining, Taylor asked if she could kiss my ears. Every five year old knows that loving kisses bring healing. Since that night three years ago we’ve shared that special tradition nearly every night.

My ears still ring, and Taylor has forgotten the original purpose of our tradition, but it has become a perpetual expression of our love for each other. I love our tradition and dread the day that it ends, but imagine how absurd it would be for me to tell you that seven kisses per ear per night is THE correct way for a parent and child to express their love.

What if I imposed my tradition on you and declared that any other expression of love was an inferior expression of love and unacceptable. What if we celebrated our special tradition for so long, so faithfully, so religiously that we actually began to think that our expression of love is more than just an expression but is, in fact, love itself.

You would, of course, think that I was insane – and you’d be right – but it’s a real danger we face everyday. Much of the stress we endure is caused by tradition becoming religion. We too often demand that your expression of love for God must sound like, look like, and feel like my expression of love for God. Sometimes we even dare to say that our own expressions are love and other expressions are abominations.

Taylor’s kisses have never and will never heal my ears, but her love is a balm. She is a creative and expressive child full of love for her Dad. She finds new ways to express her love everyday, and one day the ear kisses will stop. I don’t look forward to that day, but if the love continues, then the tradition can pass.

John Monday